so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
