a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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