he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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