That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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