walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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