Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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