the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
