About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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