I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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