Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
