Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
