I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
