you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
