i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
