I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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