Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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