Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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