smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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