Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize