watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm at about main and main street
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
