So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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