Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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