hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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