I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
