well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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