it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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