so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
