guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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