Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
