she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
