At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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