hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She even gives head with a lisp.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
