somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
