My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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