I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
