census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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