ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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