So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
