I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
