i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
