somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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