I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
