do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
