I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize