Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
