Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
is wine microwaveable?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
