She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So vagazzling was a success
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize