I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
