i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Two words: blizzard sex
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
