i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
