i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
