What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
