kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize