HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
