Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize