he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
