I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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