i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize