she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
