worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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