i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
