i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize