Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
