I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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