No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
