Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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