do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
