I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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