he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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