i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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