if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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