my sisters under your porch take her home
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
