My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she smelled like a LAN party
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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