i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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