Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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