When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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