I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
