First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize