Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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