Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
