I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize