I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
