Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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