she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
