He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
