So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This house was built for laser tag.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
