Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
pray to the hookup gods
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
