We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
