his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
