quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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