It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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