you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
