fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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