I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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