last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
