Hey man sorry I got all grabby
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
