Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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