party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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