So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
