you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
