my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
