I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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