We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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