dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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