I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i already hear my dad disowning me
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize