i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
