You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
