Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
