I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
